There's a Pill for That

There's a Pill for That

Drug Advertising

It has gotten to the point that a person needs to have some sort of medical degree when watching television advertisements.  Perhaps it is just my age that is showing, but it seems like television advertising these days is aimed at healing whatever it is that we are suffering from or creating new ailments that require the administration of a new drug that some pharmaceutical company has stumbled upon.

I have been keeping track for the last several days of all the ailments that are floating around out there.  Most have been reduced to alphabet soup.  Likewise, a few of the treatments follow the Campbell’s Soup pattern.  I’m not sure, but I think the practice of reducing illnesses to soup began with Tuberculosis (TB), Multiple Sclerosis (MS) and Muscular Dystrophy (MD).  I’m fairly sure that MD and MS were the kingpins of lettered diseases until ADD and later ADHD became popular.  I blame ADD and ADHD for opening the floodgates.

Consider the following medical conditions that I’ve seen on television in the last few weeks:  OIC, COPD, IBS, IBS-C, IBS-D, RA, OB, ED, PTSD, PML, BED, ALS, DVT, PE, TBI, CC, UC, ALTE, CTE, OAB (I’m not sure, but I think it is the same thing as OB, but I really thought an OB was some kind of doctor), UTI (I learned about UTI’s several years ago), AMD, and BPH. 

I recently learned of two new ones just today.  IED is “Intermittent Explosive Disorder” and SID or SAD (SIAD), which is a condition for women (thank goodness) and is short for “Sexual Interest/Arousal Disorder”.  I am especially interested in IED, which is not to be confused with the IED we have all come to hate in the ongoing wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.  But hey, they could be related!  I go off without warning when somebody cuts me off in traffic, which meets the medical IED definition and the military definition of an Improvised Explosive Device.  Hmmm.  I guess I must be and IED or have IED.  It doesn’t much matter because there is now a pill for that.  My guess is that most everybody reading this is in need of that pill.

The alphabet game is not just about letters as sometimes those letters are combined with words, partial words, and numbers.  The alphanumeric medical condition that caught my attention is Non-24, while there is a device out there that is called an IVC Filter.  I’m not sure, but I don’t think I want to know what an IVC Filter is.

It isn’t just about the alphabet, though I think there are certain letters that have been seriously underrepresented in the above list.  I mean, I don’t see anything with a Q or W or F or Z or a few other missing letters.  There are contrived words such as Ace Inhibitors and Beta Blockers and methotrexate.  I can at least pronounce those words.  There are other medication names that require your tongue to be a contortionist.  For example, there is a whole list of NSAIDS (Oh, there’s another example of what I’m talking about.  I think this one was created specifically to be an acronym.)  Anyway, consider this list of NSAIDS and see exactly how many of them you can pronounce without slowing down to sound out each syllable.

Aspirin (acetylsalicylic acid), Celecoxib (Celebrex), Dexdetoprofen (Keral), Diclofenac (Voltaren, Cataflam, Voltaren-XR), Diflunisal (Dolobid). Etodolac (Lodine, Lodine XL), Etoricoxib (Algix), Fenoprofen (Fenopron, Nalfron), Firocoxib (Equioxx, Previcox), Flurbiprofen (Urbifen, Ansaid, Flurwood, Froben), Ibuprofen (Advil, Brufen, Motrin, Nurofen, Medipren, Nuprin), Indomethacin (Indocin, Indocin SR, Indocin IV), Ketoprofen (Actron, Orudis, Oruvail, Ketoflam), Ketorolac (Toradol, Sprix, Toradol IV/IM, Toradol IM), Licofelone (under development), Lornoxicam (Xefo), Loxoprofen (Loxonin, Loxomac, Oxeno), Lumiracoxib (Prexige), Meclofenamic acid (Meclomen), Mefenamic acid (Ponstel), Meloxicam (Movalis, Melox, Recoxa, Mobic), Nabumetone (Relafen), Naproxen (Aleve, Anaprox, Midol Extended Relief, Naprosyn, Naprelan), Nimesulide (Sulide, Nimalox, Mesulid), Oxaporozin (Daypro, Dayrun, Duraprox), Parecoxib (Dynastat), Piroxicam (Feldene), Rofecoxib (Vioxx, Ceoxx, Ceeoxx), Salsalate (Mono-Gesic, Salflex, Disalcid, Salsitab), Sulindac (Clinoril), Tenoxicam (Mobiflex), Tolfenamic acid (Clotam Rapid, Tufnil), Valdecoxib (Bextra)

(http://www.nsaids-list.com/)

What I find interesting is some of the ingredients in these drugs that the pharmaceutical companies are pushing.  I swear, one company tells us that they put Ford Motor Oil in their drug.  I suppose they want to keep you well lubricated. 

Then of course there are the warnings that accompany the drug advertisements.  There are the written drug warnings that require an IMAX screen for you to be able to read them.  These require a medical dictionary to help you understand what you are reading.  The other drug warnings are spoken and take up so much time in spelling out the possible side effects that by the time they have finished telling what you might contract if  you take their drug that you have forgotten what the drug is or what it is for, like an inhaled corticosteroid (repeated several times throughout the advertisement).  Take for example the warnings that accompany the use of Ford Motor Oil.  (In case you are wondering, Ford Motor Oil is a long-acting beta-agonist.  It is “rarely” associated with an increased risk of asthma-related death.)  You should not use Ford Motor Oil if you are allergic to any ingredient in formoterol if

• you are using another medicine that has a long-acting beta-agonist (eg, salmeterol) in it
• you are having an asthma attack or sudden symptoms of COPD (eg, chest tightness, cough, shortness of breath, wheezing)
• you have asthma and you are not currently using a long-term asthma-control medicine (eg, inhaled corticosteroids)
• you have asthma that is already well controlled with the use of a long-term asthma-control medicine

• if you are pregnant, planning to become pregnant, or are breast-feeding
• if you are taking any prescription or nonprescription medicine, herbal preparation, or dietary supplement
• if you have allergies to medicines, foods, or other substances
• if you have had a severe allergic reaction to milk protein or are lactose intolerant
• if you have a history of diabetes, heart problems (eg, fast or irregular heartbeat), blood vessel problems, high blood pressure, low blood potassium levels, an adrenal gland tumor (pheochromocytoma), seizures, or thyroid problems
• if you have recently been to the emergency room for asthma, have a history of frequent hospitalizations for asthma, or have ever had a life-threatening asthma attack
• if you have had an unusual reaction to a sympathomimetic medicine (eg, albuterol, pseudoephedrine), such as fast or irregular heartbeat, overexcitement, or severe trouble sleeping
• if you are taking linezolid, a monoamine oxidase inhibitor (MAOI) [Oops! There’s another one.] (eg, phenelzine), or a tricyclic antidepressant (eg, amitriptyline) or you have taken any of these medicines within the last 14 days
• if you are taking any medicine that may increase the risk of a certain type of irregular heartbeat (prolonged QT interval). Check with your doctor or pharmacist if you are unsure if any of your medicines may increase the risk of this type of irregular heartbeat.

(http://www.drugs.com/cdi/formoterol.html)

Really?  I mean, who comes up with this stuff?

The point is that the warnings have gotten completely out of control and have probably been included by pharmaceutical company attorneys to keep law suits to a minimum.  I wish the industry would come to agreement on a standard warning and disclaimer.  If I wrote such a warning it would look like this.

Don’t take this drug.

I suspect that warning would never fly with the pharmaceutical companies.  Therefore a more acceptable warning might look something like this.

You should not use this drug if you are pregnant, plan to become pregnant, ever have been pregnant, know somebody who is, has been, or will become pregnant.  Do not use this drug with alcohol or any illicit drug and if you are taking another prescription drug talk to your doctor before, during, and after taking each dose.  This drug may cause you to sleep, sleepwalk, sleep talk, stay awake, talk in tongues, hallucinate, radiate, irritate, and ingratiate.  Do not drive, operate machinery, sit at a desk, write memos, or engage in any type of negotiations with foreign diplomats while using this drug.  Should you have an erection lasting more than four hours the manufacturer of this medication feels sorry for you, but you really should see a doctor as soon as possible.  Discontinue use of an inhaled corticosteroid while using this drug until your condition has stabilized.  Your doctor will then prescribe an inhaled corticosteroid for daily use.  You may feel irritated and agitated while taking this medication.  In that case those around you also will feel irritated and agitated with you.  Serious side effects may accompany the use of this drug such as depression, thoughts of suicide, or hang-gliding.  Do not discontinue using this drug without first consulting with your doctor, healthcare provider, your pharmacist, spouse, significant other, your insurance company, and the President of the United States.  If you should pass out, faint, or die as a result of using this drug, contact your physician immediately.

What?  If you should die while using this drug you are to contact your physician immediately?  You are kidding me, right?  Well, no, I’m not.  That wording is actually included in a drug advertisement warning.  And, I think I can understand why.  I mean, if you die from using a prescribed medication and you are alive (again) your doctor is going to want to know about it so he or she can pay off all that medical school debt.  I would think that it would make for a strong defense at trial when the patient decides to sue the doctor.  It would go something like this: “It’s ALIVE!!”

So, with all these disorders and diseases out there I’ve decided to come up with a few of my own.  See if you can figure out what they are.  Note: I’ve placed the full definitions of each disorder at the bottom of this tirade. 

·         FSOPD

·         RLOD

·         TTDS

·         SRAOC

·         SIM

·         WRD

·         PVTC

·         SIID

·         TTSS

·         CTS

·         NELMEMM (Nel-mem)

·         LWAC

·         VD (It isn’t what you think)

·         CAS

·         DEPOS

·         TPIARC (Tippy Arc)

·         STAMM

·         SMA

·         ITIFADS (It I Fads)

·         CSD

I invite you to see how many of these you get correct.  I also invite you to see if you might have any of these maladies.

I suppose there are multiple reasons for all these diseases, disorders, and syndromes that we see being advertised.  You can probably come up with a few that I haven’t thought of.  If so, you are welcome to comment either here or on Facebook.  Here are some of the reasons that I’ve come up with.

1.      We have an aging Baby Boomer population and we (I’m one of them) are a lucrative target.  We aren’t working any longer so the assumption is that we are watching more television than we used to.  As we age we are feeling more of the effects of aging.  That being the case, the pharmaceutical companies are anxious to tell us that there is a pill for that.

2.      Pressure has been placed on researchers and pharmaceutical companies to come up with cures or treatments for conditions that have long plagued us.  That takes lots of money.  Researchers and pharmaceutical companies want to recover the costs of that research and investors want to see a return on their investments.

3.      Closely related to Number 2 is the pressure that has been placed on companies to come up with treatments and cures for lesser-known ailments.  There are marches and protests and 5K and 10K runs to raise money and awareness.  While it is benevolent to come up with these treatments and cures, doing so is also politically correct.  Simply showing the world that these medications exist also shows that the company that came up with the medication is a responsible, caring (money-grabbing) corporation.  It’s all about the PR, folks.

4.      Many of the medications target children and young adults.  Advertising medications that target disorders that this population has, serves as a signal to them (and their parents) that they can have perfect bodies.

5.      It keeps advertising agencies, lawyers, pharmaceutical companies, the television industry, congressmen and senators, lobbyists, doctors, pharmacists, insurance companies, business benefits managers (generally found in human resource departments), wholesalers, retailers, and delivery boys all in business.

And about that list of disorders, diseases, syndromes, conditions, etc., that I mentioned above?  Here’s the full definition of each.  How many did you correctly identify?

FSOPD - Facebook Status Over-Posting Disorder

RLOD - Really Liking Obama Disease

TTDS - Tired of Tolerating Democrats Syndrome

SRAOC - Sick of Republicans Attacking Obama Condition

SIM - Self-Identification Malfunction

WRD - Wrong Restroom Disorder

PVTC - Proper Vote for Trump Condition

SSID - Still in Iraq Disorder

TTSS - Tied to Smartphone Sickness

CTS - Constantly Texting Syndrome

NELMEMM - Nobody Else’s Life Matters Except Mine Malady

LWAC - Late to Work Again Condition

VD - Vegetarian Disorder

CAS - Coffee Addiction Syndrome

DEPOS - Donut-Eating Police Officer Syndrome

TPIARC - The Professor is Always Right Condition

STAMM - Sleep Through Another Meeting Malady

SMA - Social Media Addiction

ITIFADS - I’m a Teenager and Immune from Accidental Death Syndrome

CSD - Common Sense Deficiency

I don’t think there is a pill for any of the above.  Do you suffer from any of these conditions?