I Want a "Do Over"

On occasion when playing a game with my children when they were much younger one would make a costly mistake and ask for a “do over” so as to take back the mistake and have a fresh start.  I suppose it is one of those rewards you get from being young and inexperienced.  Hindsight is such a good teacher.  I’m not sure that we do our children any favors when we let them have a “do over”, but on the other hand I understand that forgiveness is all about having a “do over” with the benefit of hindsight.

I suppose we all wish that we could have a do over now and then.  I’m wishing I could have one of those.  I could probably use a lot of do overs, but there is one fresh in my mind, and I really wish I could take back the thing that I did.

Susan and I were taking our morning walk when we approached a young mother with two small children.  One child was a baby in a stroller and the other was a toddler.  The toddler was having a meltdown and throwing a tantrum.  The mother was trying to deal with it the best she could.  The toddler didn’t want to walk the rest of the way to their car.  Meanwhile, the mother was not only pushing the stroller but carrying the small foot-propelled four-wheel conveyance with a seat and handle bars.  I have never seen one of those things before.  It was an odd looking contraption (a walker of some sort), but the jest of it was the child could sit on it and move himself forward by walking the cart forward.  The conversation went something like this.

Child: I don’t want to walk.

Mother: (Putting the walker down on the path while holding onto the stroller) Then use this.

Child: I don’t want to.

Mother: (Picking up the walker) Then walk.

Child: (Now sitting down and screaming at the top of his lungs) I don’t want to walk.

And so went the conversation or argument and tantrum.

The young mother was clearly frustrated and embarrassed.  She was caught in a public place dealing with an unruly child over which she had no control (who was badly in need of a swat on the rear).  I suspect that by the time she finally got inside her car she had to be in tears.

As we approached the young mother I wanted so much to do something.  In this day you don’t trust strangers who approach and offer to help.  Offering to pick up her child might signal “stranger danger”.  Or, if it didn’t send off alarms offering to help in some way could send the signal that this old man (me) think she’s a failure as a mother.

Instead of doing something or offering kind words of support I said, “You aren’t going to win this one,” as we passed her.  I kept thinking to myself that Susan and I (Susan more so than me) have dealt with temper tantrums and suffered our own meltdowns while raising five children.  We survived the temper tantrums and our children survived the meltdowns.  We did not kill any of our children!  They are alive.  And this young mother will also survive.  Whether or not she has any more children than the two she already has may be up for debate.

Oh, how I wish I had not said what I said to her.  How insensitive could I have been?  In an effort to add levity to a hapless situation I probably made things worse for the young mother.  I want a “do over” so I could relive that moment with that young mother.  At the very least I would assure her that she is a good mother and that it is O.K. and that she is O.K. and that every parent walking that path on that morning has experienced the exact same situation.  I would at the very least give her hope.  I would ask if I could at least carry the little walker.  I’d let her hold onto my billfold with my driver’s license in it and offer to carry her child.

I am so sorry.  I feel terrible and I want a “do over”.