Fatherhood

Fatherhood

            I’ve been asked to address the topic of fatherhood on at least two previous occasions.  Perhaps being the father of five children is supposed to qualify me for this noble responsibility.  Unfortunately, simply being the father of five children does not qualify one to speak with authority on any topic.  Everybody knows of the wide range of goodness in fathers.  Perhaps you even know people at both ends of the spectrum.  There are fathers who seem to be successful, whatever that is, and others who would not merit the title of father to a piranha.  Most of us, however, seem to fall someplace between the two ends.  I’d like to think we’re all somewhere in this large bell curve of fatherhood: not great and not terrible, just located within one standard deviation of the mean.  Of course, you would like to think the curve is skewed towards greatness, but experience suggests otherwise.

            One has to study Webster at length to get a reasonable definition of father or fatherhood.  After all, the word father is preceded by fathead in the dictionary.  This is not a good sign.  The word dad does not paint a better picture.  It is preceded by dacus, a type of fruit fly.  Yet, somehow, there has to be more to father than being a man who has begotten a child.  It doesn’t take a world of genius to figure out how to father a child.  Of course, it doesn’t take a world of genius to figure out how to be a father either.  It takes heart.

            Bringing human life into the world is only the beginning.  The father who presides in the home takes responsibility for the outcome of his family.  He not only manages for shelter, clothing, food, and physical comforts for his children, but he provides compassion, counsel, direction, comfort, and the means for his family members to develop to their full potential.  Rearing, teaching, guiding, blessing, providing for, and loving our children are the acts that make a man a father.  Among the most important things that we can teach our children are what an honorable parent is, for some day, they will be parents, and will have passed on to them the same responsibilities that we have as parents.

            Another fundamental role of father is that of protector, not only against physical harm, but against untruth and error.  At other times it means discipline.  In fact, the word discipline has as its root the word disciple, meaning follower.  There are many styles of discipline, but there is a bright line between discipline and abuse.  The man who physically, sexually, or emotionally abuses a child is not fit for the responsibility of fatherhood.

            Hopefully there are not many of these fathers around.  As fathers though, perhaps we should all stand back and ask ourselves if we are abusing our children out of neglect.  In other words, we should be asking if we are providing growing opportunities and life experiences, no matter how small or seemingly unimportant to us, to our children.  Do we share with them the most important commodities we have with them: our time and ourselves?