Honoring Women

Honoring Women

         It was sometime around the middle of my policing career when Sister Talley was doing the weekly family grocery shopping.  When she finished going through the checkout line she wrote a check for the amount of the groceries and handed it to the clerk.  The clerk, a young woman I had arrested a few years earlier for multiple felonies took a look at the check and asked her, “Oh, are you Mr. Talley’s wife?”  She must have asked in such a way as to suggest that I owned her or that Sister Talley was my possession as Susan responded by saying, “No, he’s my husband.”

         When Adam was alone in the Garden of Eden, God created a “help meet” for him (Gen. 2: 18; Moses 3: 18; Abraham 5: 14).  Eve, was to be more than a companion.  As a help meet, her role was more than that of being an assistant or a helper.  Much of the confusion of the role of women in society in general and specifically in marriage comes from a mistranslation of the words help meet.  Initially, it was believed that help meet was one word instead of two words and was also translated as helpmate (David Rolph Seely, assistant professor of ancient scripture, Brigham Young University).  The words help meet for him is translated in the Old Testament from the Hebrew and literally means help equal but opposite or corresponding to him.  The implications of this meaning are important.  Consider the wings of a bird.  They are identical, but the fact that they are opposite of each other allows it to fly.  The same is true with men and women. Both are equal but opposite thus enabling them to be complete and to act together in such a way that they would never be capable of doing alone (Bruce Satterfield, BYU-Idaho, The Family Under Siege: The Role of Men and Women).  

There is a huge difference between helpmate and help meet.  A helpmate mixes the mortar and carries the bricks for the brick mason.  A help meet is busy installing the heating and air conditioning.  A helpmate carries the shingles for the roofers while a help meet installs the electrical according to code.  A helpmate is an assistant following the directions of the boss.  A help meet is an equal partner and joint owner.  A helpmate may make the job a little easier but a help meet is essential.  Each contributes essential skills for building a complete “house.”  Two working together create a synergy where the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

An example from the lives of Adam and Eve is helpful.  Faced with living in the Garden of Eden forever and never fulfilling the commandment to have posterity, it was Eve who reasoned with Adam to take a leap of faith; to do that which would lead to their departure from the Garden so that we, their posterity may experience this mortal probationary period.  “(B)ehold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things.  Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy” (2 Nephi 2: 24 – 25).

Truly, women are the balance to the lives of men.  Equally true however, is that men can be said to be the balance to the lives of women.  Both fill equally important yet opposite and complimentary roles in the Plan of Redemption.  Said the Apostle Paul, “neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.  For as the woman is of the man, even so is the man also by the woman….” (1 Cor. 11: 11 - 12).  As President Spencer W. Kimball taught, the term man in the story of the Creation refers to “a complete man, which is husband and wife.” (Ensign, Mar. 1976, p. 71.)

President Kimball’s teaching leads me to believe that when considered in its proper context, the word help in the words help meet clearly is not to be confused with someone who just helps to get the job done when the job can be done without the helper.  To fully understand the role of a help meet it is useful to know that the word help in the Old Testament is translated from the Hebrew meaning strength or savior.

Is it any wonder that we should honor women?  Is it any wonder why President Nelson said to men that our first priority in honoring the priesthood is to honor our eternal companion?

There are eight purposes of the Aaronic Priesthood, five of which deal with actions Aaronic Priesthood holders should take for the future, such as becoming converted to the gospel, obtaining as much education as possible and preparing to receive the Melchizedek Priesthood, serving an honorable full-time mission, and becoming a worthy husband and father.  These purposes are all about becoming.  The other three purposes deal with the present.  Those holding that priesthood are to faithfully serve in their callings, render service to others, and to give “proper respect to women, girls, and children.”  I might add that the purposes of the Melchizedek Priesthood simply build on those of the Aaronic Priesthood.

Respect is something that seems to be in short supply these days.  One only needs to spend a few minutes on social media to affirm that conclusion.  But it isn’t only in social media where we see an overall lack of respect.  You see it on the road, in the classroom, in the workplace, against those in positions of authority, and those who are weak, humble, and the poor among us.  Unfortunately, disrespect toward women occurs not only from men, but also from other women.  This must grieve the Savior and Heavenly Father, especially as we are speaking of His daughters and the mothers in Zion.

The statement in the Young Women Theme that they are daughters of their Heavenly Father who loves them, and whose values include faith, divine nature, individual worth, integrity, and virtue is more than a mere recitation of words but stands as an eternal truth.  And that truth does not diminish or dissolve when a young woman becomes an adult and enters Relief Society.  Indeed, our mothers, sisters, daughters, wives, aunts, and all our sisters in or outside of the gospel are beloved daughters of Heavenly Father.  As such, they should be treated with honor, dignity, and respect.

The word respect comes from the Latin respectus, which is the act of looking back with regard and consideration.  To respect a person is to hold that person in high esteem or regard.  We show reverence and devotion to those we respect.  We treat those we respect with dignity and distinction.  Those we respect are often exalted in our own minds. 

Sometimes it takes courage to stand for truth and righteousness.  Sometimes it takes courage to stand up for the honor of our sisters.  Such an occasion happened years ago when Sister Talley was a young girl.  Her father had stopped at a business where there was a group of young men hanging around outside telling filthy stories and using vile and profane language.  Honoring his daughter, her father approached the young men, rebuked them for their language, and informed them that they were in the presence of a lady.  Now, he didn’t know what kind of reaction he would receive from these young men.  They could have taunted him, mocked him, or even jumped him, but it didn’t matter to him how they would react.  While he hoped they would grant his request, what mattered most to him was the defense of the honor of his daughter.

Of course, the best example we have of the way we should regard women comes to us from the Savior.  We know from the scriptures that He defended women and was sympathetic and showed compassion toward them.  In the Gospel of Luke, we saw the Savior as He entered the city of Naim.  There, He saw the body young man being carried away for burial.  The mother, a widow was following along, obviously distraught at the loss of her only son.  Upon seeing her, the Savior “had compassion on her, and said unto her, weep not.”  He then raised the woman’s son from the dead (Luke 7: 11-17).

Women held a subordinate position to men at the time of Christ, though it is interesting to note that we see mention of women, identified by name, who followed Christ as He preached and who were present during His crucifixion.  From those passages of scripture, we can surmise that Jesus considered women to be on an equal basis with men.  He condemned those who took away the houses of widows (Mark 12: 40).  He spoke with kindness as He reminded a group of followers of the time when Elias was sent only to the home of a widow during a time of famine (Luke 4: 26) and He made particular reference to the poor widow, who, with her two mites, placed more into the treasury than others who had given from their abundance.

Then there is the story of the woman who was taken in sin and was about to be stoned to death.  This penalty was grounded in an old mistaken tradition that identified women as temptresses. This stems from the time when Eve first partook of the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden and then showed Adam the wisdom in also partaking of that fruit.  Eve was considered by many to have enticed or tempted Adam to partake of the fruit when this was not the case at all.  Nonetheless, men were seen as victims and women were viewed as aggressors.  Jesus intervened in the stoning of this woman and taught us two great lessons.  First, in telling the crowd of men that he who was without sin should cast the first stone reminds us that we are all sinners.  Secondly, in this intervention He taught that there is a single standard for men and women in obedience to the commandments.  “All are alike unto God” (2 Nephi 26:33).

His reverence toward women is further evidenced in His Sermon on the Mount.  Not only did He rebuke men for looking upon women with lust as it drove the Spirit away from them, but also because it was offensive to women and doing so regarded them as property or chattel for men to do with as they pleased. 

I am unaware of any particular list of rules for honoring women.  If there is such a list, I am certain that it would lead off with words like kindness, gentleness, meekness, pure knowledge, with charity, virtuous thoughts, and love unfeigned (D&C 121: 41 – 42).  These are the ways we show respect to all women.  It is my prayer that we always remember that all our sisters are daughters of Heavenly Father, queens and princesses in His kingdom.  Of this I testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.