Honoring Women
It was sometime
around the middle of my policing career when Sister Talley was doing the weekly
family grocery shopping. When she
finished going through the checkout line she wrote a check for the amount of
the groceries and handed it to the clerk.
The clerk, a young woman I had arrested a few years earlier for multiple
felonies took a look at the check and asked her, “Oh, are you Mr. Talley’s
wife?” She must have asked in such a way
as to suggest that I owned her or that Sister Talley was my possession as Susan
responded by saying, “No, he’s my husband.”
When Adam was
alone in the Garden of Eden, God created a “help meet” for him (Gen. 2: 18; Moses 3: 18;
Abraham 5: 14). Eve, was to be
more than a companion. As a help
meet, her role was more than that of being an assistant or a helper. Much of the confusion of the role of women in
society in general and specifically in marriage comes from a mistranslation of
the words help meet. Initially, it
was believed that help meet was one word instead of two words and was also translated
as helpmate
(David Rolph Seely, assistant professor of ancient scripture, Brigham
Young University). The words help meet for him is
translated in the Old Testament from the Hebrew and literally means help equal
but opposite or corresponding to him.
The implications of this meaning are important. Consider the wings of a bird. They are identical, but the fact that they
are opposite of each other allows it to fly.
The same is true with men and women. Both are equal but opposite thus
enabling them to be complete and to act together in such a way that they would
never be capable of doing alone (Bruce Satterfield, BYU-Idaho, The Family Under Siege: The Role of Men and Women).
There is a huge difference between helpmate
and help
meet. A helpmate mixes the mortar
and carries the bricks for the brick mason.
A help meet is busy installing the heating and air conditioning. A helpmate carries the shingles for
the roofers while a help meet installs the electrical according to code. A helpmate is an assistant following
the directions of the boss. A help
meet is an equal partner and joint owner. A helpmate may make the job a little
easier but a help meet is essential.
Each contributes essential skills for building a complete “house.” Two working together create a synergy where
the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
An example from the lives of Adam and
Eve is helpful. Faced with living in the
Garden of Eden forever and never fulfilling the commandment to have posterity,
it was Eve who reasoned with Adam to take a leap of faith; to do that which
would lead to their departure from the Garden so that we, their posterity may
experience this mortal probationary period.
“(B)ehold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth
all things. Adam fell that men might be;
and men are, that they might have joy” (2 Nephi 2: 24 – 25).
Truly, women are the balance to the
lives of men. Equally true however, is
that men can be said to be the balance to the lives of women. Both fill equally important yet opposite and
complimentary roles in the Plan of Redemption.
Said the Apostle Paul, “neither is the man without the woman, neither
the woman without the man, in the Lord. For
as the woman is of the man, even so is the man also by the woman….” (1 Cor. 11: 11 - 12). As President Spencer W. Kimball taught, the
term man in the story of the Creation refers to “a complete man, which
is husband and wife.” (Ensign, Mar. 1976, p. 71.)
President Kimball’s teaching leads me
to believe that when considered in its proper context, the word help
in the words help meet clearly is not to be confused with someone who just helps
to get the job done when the job can be done without the helper. To fully understand the role of a help
meet it is useful to know that the word help in the Old Testament
is translated from the Hebrew meaning strength or savior.
Is it any wonder that we should honor
women? Is it any wonder why President
Nelson said to men that our first priority in honoring the priesthood is to
honor our eternal companion?
There are eight purposes of the
Aaronic Priesthood, five of which deal with actions Aaronic Priesthood holders
should take for the future, such as becoming converted to the gospel, obtaining
as much education as possible and preparing to receive the Melchizedek
Priesthood, serving an honorable full-time mission, and becoming a worthy
husband and father. These purposes are
all about becoming. The other three
purposes deal with the present. Those
holding that priesthood are to faithfully serve in their callings, render
service to others, and to give “proper respect to women, girls, and children.” I might add that the purposes of the
Melchizedek Priesthood simply build on those of the Aaronic Priesthood.
Respect is something that seems to be
in short supply these days. One only
needs to spend a few minutes on social media to affirm that conclusion. But it isn’t only in social media where we
see an overall lack of respect. You see
it on the road, in the classroom, in the workplace, against those in positions
of authority, and those who are weak, humble, and the poor among us. Unfortunately, disrespect toward women occurs
not only from men, but also from other women.
This must grieve the Savior and Heavenly Father, especially as we are
speaking of His daughters and the mothers in Zion.
The statement in the Young Women
Theme that they are daughters of their Heavenly Father who loves them, and
whose values include faith, divine nature, individual worth, integrity, and
virtue is more than a mere recitation of words but stands as an eternal
truth. And that truth does not diminish
or dissolve when a young woman becomes an adult and enters Relief Society. Indeed, our mothers, sisters, daughters,
wives, aunts, and all our sisters in or outside of the gospel are beloved
daughters of Heavenly Father. As such, they
should be treated with honor, dignity, and respect.
The word respect comes from the Latin
respectus, which is the act of
looking back with regard and consideration.
To respect a person is to hold that person in high esteem or
regard. We show reverence and devotion
to those we respect. We treat those we
respect with dignity and distinction.
Those we respect are often exalted in our own minds.
Sometimes it takes courage to stand
for truth and righteousness. Sometimes
it takes courage to stand up for the honor of our sisters. Such an occasion happened years ago when
Sister Talley was a young girl. Her
father had stopped at a business where there was a group of young men hanging
around outside telling filthy stories and using vile and profane language. Honoring his daughter, her father approached
the young men, rebuked them for their language, and informed them that they
were in the presence of a lady. Now, he
didn’t know what kind of reaction he would receive from these young men. They could have taunted him, mocked him, or
even jumped him, but it didn’t matter to him how they would react. While he hoped they would grant his request,
what mattered most to him was the defense of the honor of his daughter.
Of course, the best example we have
of the way we should regard women comes to us from the Savior. We know from the scriptures that He defended
women and was sympathetic and showed compassion toward them. In the Gospel of Luke, we saw the Savior as He
entered the city of Naim. There, He saw the
body young man being carried away for burial.
The mother, a widow was following along, obviously distraught at the
loss of her only son. Upon seeing her,
the Savior “had compassion on her, and said unto her, weep not.” He then raised the woman’s son from the dead
(Luke 7: 11-17).
Women held a subordinate position to
men at the time of Christ, though it is interesting to note that we see mention
of women, identified by name, who followed Christ as He preached and who were
present during His crucifixion. From those
passages of scripture, we can surmise that Jesus considered women to be on an
equal basis with men. He condemned those
who took away the houses of widows (Mark 12: 40). He spoke
with kindness as He reminded a group of followers of the time when Elias was
sent only to the home of a widow during a time of famine (Luke 4: 26) and He made
particular reference to the poor widow, who, with her two mites, placed more
into the treasury than others who had given from their abundance.
Then there is the story of the woman
who was taken in sin and was about to be stoned to death. This penalty was grounded in an old mistaken
tradition that identified women as temptresses. This stems from the time when
Eve first partook of the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden and then showed
Adam the wisdom in also partaking of that fruit. Eve was considered by many to have enticed or
tempted Adam to partake of the fruit when this was not the case at all. Nonetheless, men were seen as victims and
women were viewed as aggressors. Jesus
intervened in the stoning of this woman and taught us two great lessons. First, in telling the crowd of men that he
who was without sin should cast the first stone reminds us that we are all
sinners. Secondly, in this intervention He
taught that there is a single standard for men and women in obedience to the
commandments. “All are alike unto God” (2 Nephi 26:33).
His reverence toward women is further
evidenced in His Sermon on the Mount.
Not only did He rebuke men for looking upon women with lust as it drove
the Spirit away from them, but also because it was offensive to women and doing
so regarded them as property or chattel for men to do with as they pleased.
I am unaware of any particular list
of rules for honoring women. If there is
such a list, I am certain that it would lead off with words like kindness,
gentleness, meekness, pure knowledge, with charity, virtuous thoughts, and love
unfeigned (D&C 121: 41
– 42). These are the ways we show respect to all women. It is my prayer that we always remember that
all our sisters are daughters of Heavenly Father, queens and princesses in His
kingdom. Of this I testify in the name
of Jesus Christ, amen.
