A Letter to My Grandchildren

A Letter to My Grandchildren (My Children and Others are Welcome to Read it, too.)

I’m at the end of my senior year of five decades since graduating from high school.  One more year and I will graduate from graduating. Again.

That may sound odd, and if it does, if you mull it around a little you may eventually understand what I am trying to say.  You see, in the last 49 years of my life since graduating from high school I’ve learned a few lessons, most of them the hard way.  I want to share them with you knowing full well that the likelihood of you having to learn them the hard way as well is fairly certain.

Lesson Number One: Be Yourself.  You will never be happy if you try to be someone who you are not.  You will never be happy if your measure of success is dependent upon the success of others, especially your peers, for there will always be somebody more successful in an aspect of life that you want than what you are.  There is more to success than a fat paycheck, a fancy title, an advanced degree, exotic trips, a nice home, and a car that doesn’t break down every time you want to go somewhere.  Success is not measured by the number of toys you have at the end of life.  Success has more to do with being content with who you are and being responsible and dependable.  It has more to do with character than cash.  It has more to do with the meaning of a handshake than a handsome paycheck.

A friend explained his situation to me at the end of his failed marriage.  He was a successful employee with a successful firm.  He made a good salary (one that I could only dream of) and had all the trappings of success that he wanted.  As we sat across a table from each other over lunch he stopped and placed his fork down on his plate and said that it was like he had climbed the ladder of success to the top only to find that the ladder was leaning against the wrong building.

I’ve heard that expression before and have heard it a few times since then, but this was the first time that it took on real meaning.  As a result of having his ladder of success leaning against the wrong building he lost everything.

Lesson Number Two: Be Patient.  I saw this with my own generation and I’ve seen it to a greater extent with the generation that followed me and with your generation.  People want it now, whatever it might happen to be.  People want the right job now.  People want the new house now.  People want the new car now.  People want the next promotion now.   People want everything now while giving little thought to what they need now.  Unfortunately, so often we confuse wants with needs.  For example, so many young people think they need their degree now so they can progress when in reality what they need is to experience the learning so they can obtain what they want.  This was an especially painful lesson for me to learn.  Let me explain.

I’ve had two careers in my lifetime, one in policing and the other in post-secondary education. Experiencing the lesson in my policing career helped prepare me for my second career.

I entered my first career as a rookie police officer.  After three years of experience I was ready for advancement.  I was past being a rookie and had a number of police officers on the department already who were my junior in seniority. There was an opening for a sergeant’s position and I decided to apply for it knowing full well that there were more experienced officers on the department who were better qualified for the job, but I went through the testing process anyway just for the experience.  I was not disappointed when I did not get the position.

Not long after that there was a second opening for a sergeant.  Since I had done well on the first exam and ranked rather high in the final selection process, I decided that this sergeant’s exam belonged to me.  I had learned what I needed to learn from my first experience and in my own mind my qualifications on paper would put me on the top of the selection list.

Shortly after I did not get promoted on the second round for the open sergeant’s position, a seasoned officer, Sergeant John Chapman, took me aside and explained to me why I did not get the promotion.  He said (as best as I can remember because I was still pretty bummed over not getting the promotion), “Greg, do you know why you didn’t get promoted?  I’ll tell you why.  You looked good on paper.  You have excellent credentials.  You got the highest recommendations from all the supervisors on the department and someday you will be promoted to sergeant.  But, there is one thing you lack.  It’s stick time.  You’ve only been with the department for a little over three years.  You are a good police officer and you will be an excellent supervisor in time, but you need a little more stick time.”  Stick time of course is experience.

It took another three years to obtain that stick time.  Unfortunately, I did not fully learn that lesson the first time around and I experienced disappointment after disappointment as promotions passed me by one by one.  But, one by one, promotions came with time.  With stick time.

Lesson Three: Create Your Own Luck.  Yes, sometimes some people just have good fortune falling into their laps.  Yes, there are those who seem to have luck on their side in everything they do, but for most of us such good fortune happens rarely.  Let me explain what luck really is.

Luck involves serious planning and hard work.  It involves positioning yourself to be available to catch the apple when it falls from the tree.  It means learning how to catch.  It means knowing exactly what an apple is.  It means learning how to position yourself under the tree so that you can keep your eye on the apple and not let the sunlight in the background blind you.  It means learning the timing of the apple.  It means picking the right apple.  It means sharing the tree.  It means knowing what you are going to do with the apple once you get it and it means learning how to do with the apple what you want to do with it.

Luck for most of us is not happenstance.  Luck involves serious planning and organizing and executing the plan.  It involves knowing where to be and when to be there to get what you want.  It means being thoroughly competent in what it is you seek.

Lesson Four: Always Have Plan B in your Pocket.  Things don’t always work out the way you want them to work out.  Somebody will beat you to the finish line before you get there.  Somebody less deserving than you will get the promotion.  You will be laid off from your job.  Something inevitably will interfere with you Plan A and stop you dead in your tracks.  While you have your job somebody will stand in the way of your special project.  Funding will run out.  Program goals will change.  Your house won’t sell and you really, really want to move.  Something will cause Plan A to fail.  This happens to the best of us.  When this happens most people stop dead and flounder as they try to figure out what they will do next.  However, successful people already have Plan B in place as their contingency plan and position themselves so they can immediately implement it and move forward while others flounder.

So, you have a choice.  You can waste valuable time and effort trying to figure out where you will go when your Plan A fails or you can have Plan B in your back pocket ready to put into action when you need it and be that much further ahead than if you had to take weeks or months to figure out what Plan B is going to be.  I discovered many times that Plan B turned out to be so much better than Plan A.

Lesson Five: Respect Others.  There is no way around it.  Unless you are stranded alone for the rest of your life on a deserted Pacific island you are going to be surrounded to some extent by other people.  Getting along is crucial.

At the risk of sounding cliché, you come into this world naked and you are not going to get out of it alive.  And, having been around the block a few times I can tell you that before you are placed in your burial clothes you are going to be naked again.  You are going to be just like everybody else who comes into and out of this world: Naked and Dead.  It’s what happens between your first nakedness and your last nakedness that counts.

I think there is an important question that you should ask yourself.  It boils down to this.  How do you want to be remembered by family, friends, and acquaintances when you die?  Of course people are going to say nice things about you at your funeral, but what will they say two or three weeks after your funeral?  Perhaps even more important, what will they think and say about you two or three years after your funeral?  Only you can control the answers to those questions. 

It isn’t so much as to how many people know you or even how many lives you have touched.  Instead, more important is how you touched those lives that you have known.  Where do you stand in line with others around you?  Do you consider yourself to be better than others?  Do you expect others to drop what they are doing to take care of their needs, or are you willing to drop what you are doing to be of service to others.  Do you treat the person in a lower social status than yours as an equal or as a lesser person?  Do you pander to those of higher social status than yours to obtain favor?  Are you kind to all? 

Lesson Six: Be Trustworthy.  The Boy Scout Law has as its first point trustworthiness.  “A Scout is Trustworthy.”

Trust is such a fragile commodity.  You can spend a lifetime building it and break it in a heartbeat.  Once broken there is often the nagging thought left behind in the mind of the person whose trust you have broken: “Can I trust this person again?”  Once broken, how long does it take to rebuild that trust to the point it once was?

There are a few things that should be considered with trust, the first of which is honesty; not only honesty concerning things you have done or said, but honesty in your willingness to do things in the future.  If you make a commitment you must keep that commitment.  If you know or even suspect that you cannot keep a commitment, then don’t make it.  Do not make promises that you cannot keep.

Tightly connected to honesty is integrity.  Honesty and integrity is not the same thing, though it would be nice if they were.  A person with integrity is the same person in public that he or she is in private.  Private thoughts are public thoughts.  Private actions are public actions.  The person you want to be is the person who can be trusted with the simplest of tasks and the greatest of possessions.  That person is honest in all dealings with all others.

Lesson Seven: Choose your Consequences.  It is important to remember that you do not operate in a vacuum.  For every action you take, for every decision you make there is a consequence.  Choices create consequences.  Some consequences are immediate while other consequences don’t come home to roost until years later.  Some consequences keep on giving and giving and giving.  It is irrational to say that you did something or said something without thinking.  The correct thing to say is that you did something without thinking of the consequences.

When you do something without thinking of the consequences you may very well not like the consequences. It is always best to choose the consequences first in determining a course of action that you want to take or a comment that you want to make.

One of the most important things you can do for choosing consequences is to invest your time, energy, and resources carefully.  Be careful how you spend your time and who you spend it with.  Be careful with the amount of effort you want to put into your own and others’ projects.  Unless you have unlimited wealth you will always have to be careful how you allocate your resources, whether it be money, talents, or property.

Lesson Eight: Listen More than you Talk.  People spend so much time trying to get their point across, which would be alright if the rest of the world wasn’t interested in getting their own point over.  Perhaps it is because so many people are self-centered.  It is called selfishness.  All they think about is themselves and making sure that others know what is important to them.  Everybody has a voice.  People are so stuck on making sure that their voice is heard that they not only think that others don’t have a voice but that they don’t care about others’ voices.

There is so much to learn.  You are but one dot, a single pixel on the picture of the world’s population.  Yes, you are an important dot and have every right to have your voice heard, but it is O.K. to exercise a little restraint and hear what others have to say without getting your voice heard first.  Besides, somebody else just might have something more important, more revealing to say than what you have.

Along those same thoughts is the tendency to listen to defend yourself rather than to listen and learn and accept responsibility.  Listening to defend yourself and not accept responsibility is an act of dishonesty.

Lesson Nine: Love Yourself.  There are three great commandments.  The first great commandment is to love God with all your heart, might, mind, and soul.  Implied within the second commandment is the third commandment.  In that second commandment is the direction to love our neighbors.  But that commandment doesn’t stop there.  The Lord goes on to say that we need to love our neighbors as we love ourselves.  There is that third great commandment: To Love Yourself!

I don’t think that this means that you are supposed to be infatuated with yourself or stuck on yourself or anything like that.  I think it means that you need to remember that you are of infinite worth.  You are that pearl of great price.  As such, you have a requirement to protect it, to cherish it, and to never let it lose its luster.  You need to polish it and put it on display as an example of righteousness; not as a “better than thou” sort of thing.  But, you should reflect honor and dignity in everything that you do.  You need to be an example of godliness in thought and in word and in deed.  The words meek, humble, submissive, kind, benevolent, virtuous all come to mind.  You should never stoop or lower yourself to the standards of the world.  You should remember that you are sons and daughters of God, your Heavenly Father, who knows you and who loves you and who has great expectations of you.  You are a royal generation.  You are of infinite worth.

May I return to that second commandment for just a minute?  I am not going to dwell on this, but I do want to make it perfectly clear that there are some neighbors that you should never under any circumstances stop loving.  Those neighbors would be the ones closest to you during your early years of life.  Those neighbors would be your parents, brothers and sisters, eventually your spouse, your own children, and hopefully your grandparents will fit into that picture somewhere.

Lesson Ten: Love God.  The first four of the Ten Commandments spell out what our relationship should be to God.  There are other commandments that apply to our relationship to God, but the fact that the very first four of those ten are the basis of our Judeo-Christian belief should tell you how important it is to love, honor, and respect God.  He should be a big part of your life each and every day of your immortal and eternal existence.  You need to learn to rely on Him, but you also need to learn the ideals for living that He has given us through the scriptures.

You may outgrow your reliance on your parents, but you will never outgrow your need for God.  And, how do you show love for God?  Well, how do you show love for your parents?  Isn’t showing more than saying?

Final Thoughts

There is much more I could pass on.  Maybe from time to time I will pass on additional thoughts, but for now, these are things that a grandpa feels like he needs to tell his grandchildren, and maybe even his children and friends.  Most of all, know that I love you.  I worry about and for you.  I pray for you.

Policing Statistics

Here are some numbers for you.

There are 12,501 local law enforcement agencies, 3,063 sheriff departments, 49 state police agencies (Hawaii doesn’t really have a state police department per se.  State policing is done through the Hawaii County Sheriff.  Their Department of Justice is primarily focused on corrections and narcotics investigations.)  Additionally, there are 1,733 are special jurisdiction law enforcement agencies such as transit police, railroad police, campus police, housing authority police, park police, etc.  There are another 683 “other” police agencies.  These are typically identified as constables.

Federal law enforcement consists of a patchwork of agencies, some with thousands of agents, inspectors, and police officers (Homeland Security and FBI, DEA, IRS, U.S. Marshal).  No single federal agency has general federal jurisdiction.  Each federal agency is restricted by law to specific duties related to the branch of government they work for.  The closest agencies we have to general federal jurisdiction are the FBI and U.S. Marshal.  Federal policing agencies would include Bureau of Indian Affairs, U.S. Postal Inspectors, Capitol Police, Supreme Court Police, Forest Service Police, National Park Service Police and National Park Service Rangers, US Mint Police, Bureau of Land Management, and a whole lot of other agencies you never heard of.

There are about 1.14 million full-time law enforcement employees.  Of those, 765,000 have arrest authority and are authorized to carry a firearm as part of their duty.  There are about 115,000 federal law enforcement officers working within the United States.  This does not include federal law enforcement working in the U.S. Territories or detached to overseas offices.  Fully 45% of all federal law enforcement officers work for the Department of Homeland Security.  This brings the total number of state, local, county, and federal law enforcement officers to about 880,000.  This number does not include corrections officers or detention officers whose sole job description is restricted to institutional settings.  These 880,000 sworn officers work approximately 1.83 billion hours a year, not including overtime.  If overtime was included the number worked by these officers would be in excess of 2 billion hours.  This amounts to one sworn state, local, county, or federal officer for every 363 people in the United States.

Half of all local police departments employ 10 or fewer sworn police officers.  The Library of Congress employs two sworn officers.  Two-thirds of all state, local, and county law enforcement officers work for departments with 100 or more full-time sworn officers.

Congress passed a law in 1994 giving the Department of Justice the authority to investigate any law enforcement agency.  They investigate allegations of brutality, abuse of authority, civil rights violations, and functions within police departments that may trigger civil rights violations.  Those trigger functions might include narcotics investigations, special tasks forces, etc.  They also initiate investigations where they believe there are patterns of singling out minorities for unfair treatment, such as an overrepresentation of traffic stops, stop and frisk, etc.

The Department of Justice utilizes consent decrees as a means of reigning police departments back in that it deems as having engaged in any of the areas they investigate, such as the activities mentioned above.  Between 1994 and 2013 about 20 state and local police agencies entered into consent decrees.  Most were from large departments such as the Los Angeles Police Department, Pittsburg Police Department, Washington, D.C. Police Department, Buffalo PD, Detroit, New Orleans, Seattle, and Cincinnati Police Departments.  The New Jersey State Police Department and the University of Montana Police Department are also under consent decree.  The Stubenville, Ohio Police Department that was recently in the news was already under a consent decree.  Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands departments are also under consent decree.

These consent decrees generally consist of terms that a department agrees to with the federal government, and is filed in court, and monitored by the federal government.  They may require departments to hire a certain number of minorities, participate in specific training, demand that certain practices stop, keep track of all traffic stops they make while recording the offense and the race and sex of the offender, and so forth.  It would not be unheard of for a department to lose a few top administrators in consent decree situations.  In other cases, top administrators recognize that there is a problem within their departments and welcome the strong arm of the Department of Justice to come in, make recommendations, and place the department on a corrective course of action in the form of a consent decree.

Now, with over 15,000 police agencies and over 880,000 full-time sworn police officers, would you suspect that a handful of them don’t belong in police work?  Suppose we have one event a day such has been reported in the media since the summer of 2014 and that each one of those events was unjustified, that would mean that 0.041% of our officers are involved in some sort of egregious conduct.

I bet that is a better track record than our clergy in the United States.

Ronald Lee Guthrie

Ronald Lee Guthrie

            Brother Guthrie was among the members of the Church that I met when we first moved to Binghamton nearly 20 years ago.  I took an instant liking to him, as anybody should because what is there to not like about Brother Guthrie?

            You may have seen us on occasion as we greeted each other either in the foyer or at the doors to the chapel.  We nearly always exchanged salutes.  I called him general or admiral or captain and he would often respond by saying, “Greetings, Oh Mighty One.”  As you might guess, we had fun with each other.  I don’t really know how those exchanges with each other began; I just know that my tongue-in-cheek salute to him was always heart-felt.  I admire and hold a deep respect for Brother Guthrie.

Change of Heart

            I visited with Brother Guthrie not more than a week before he passed away.  We spent an hour and-a-half talking about things that old bishops talk about.  Though we never discussed names of people we had worked with during our callings as bishop, we discussed the highs and lows of that calling.  You had to have been a bishop at one time or another in your life to be able to have the kind of discussion that we had.  And while we both shared accounts of disappointment we also shared accounts of the joy that we experienced as we watched the healing power of The Atonement take effect in the lives of members of the Church.  As we discussed those success stories, still maintaining our commitments to keep confidential the identity of people who had mighty changes of heart, as well as those who had not, Brother Guthrie was quick to point out that it was always the Spirit of the Lord and the healing balm of The Atonement of the Savior that made the difference in the lives of others.  And while there were silent moments when we considered those who had not experienced the sweet taste of forgiveness that can come only through The Atonement of Jesus Christ, there were smiles as he reflected upon those who had made that mighty change of heart that Alma talked about in the Book of Mormon (Alma 5: 12, 26).

            We don’t see the phrase change of heart very often in the scriptures.  In fact, that exact phrase appears only twice, first in Alma and then in Helaman.  Though that specific phrase is used only twice in The Book of Mormon it is implied several times throughout other scriptures.  Still, I think we all know what it means to have a change of heart.  We casually talk about having a change of heart when we begin holding onto a particular opinion or stance on an issue.  Then after contemplating our position we change our minds or in other words we experience a change of heart.  That change frequently takes place as a result of serious contemplation of facts and probable outcomes.  More often than not when we think of probable outcomes our focus is on the feelings of others and impact our actions may have on them and the true, long-term benefit to ourselves.

            This change of heart described in The Book of Mormon is similar to the change we experience in some of the more weighty matters we face in our lives.  This change takes place as a result of asking the most important questions in life, namely about our relationship with God.  It comes as a result of truly understanding where we come from and what it is that we need to do to return to the presence of God.  These are the things that the prophets have taught and testified of throughout all generations of time.  These are the things that matter throughout all eternity.  These truly are the most weighty matters of life. 

The Plan

            And so we go back to the beginning.  Actually, we go back to a point before time and before that phrase in Genesis, “In the beginning….” (Genesis 1: 1).  It is before Genesis where we began our journey that leads to our existence on earth and moves forward to immortality, never to end.  It is before the beginning where we committed ourselves to progress to a future life that we wanted to share with Heavenly Father forever.  It is what the Savior committed to Heavenly Father when He said that it was His glory to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man (Moses 1: 39). 

            While we lived in that pre-mortal existence with Heavenly Father we participated in a council that determined our destiny on earth.  Either we would be forced to obey God’s will or we would be allowed to exercise agency in determining whether or not we would be obedient to the will of the Father.  The fact is that this act of choosing which plan we wanted was an act of agency.  We chose the Savior’s plan, which would allow us to exercise our agency on earth that now determines our worthiness to return to the presence of God (Abraham 3: 27).  Consequently, there was a war in Heaven (Rev.12: 7) and as the Apostle John said that Satan, “which deceiveth the whole world…was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him” (Rev. 12: 9).

            The dilemma with agency is that we are subject to temptation and sin.  This was the case with Adam and Eve when they ate of the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden and introduced death into the world. However, it also opened the door for Heavenly Father’s spirit children to come to earth to gain these temporal bodies and to prove ourselves worthy to return to the presence of God (2 Nephi 2: 19-25).  Like Adam and Eve, we are subject to pain and sorrow, temptation and sin.

Pain and Suffering

            As I contemplated my remarks for Brother Guthrie’s service today the thought kept coming to mind that he had some fairly serious health problems in the later years of his life.  As I thought about this I remembered the oft repeated question by those who question why God, who is supposed to be a kind and loving God, allows pain and suffering.  If God is so loving, they ask, why do little children suffer and die?  Why does He allow violence in the world?  Why does he allow wars, slavery, cancer, and terrorism?  Why would he allow natural disasters to occur that result in homelessness, exposure to harsh elements, hunger, and thirst?  If there is a God, and if He is a loving God, why doesn’t He step in and stop such evil from happening?

            I would like to suggest three interrelated reasons.  First of all, we signed onto this life in the pre-mortal existence.  We chose to experience the influences of good and evil with the promise on our lips that we would prove ourselves valiant regardless of what the world threw at us.  I don’t know if some of us failed to read the fine print, but we made a decision to come to this earth and be allowed to make decisions that would determine our destiny.

            Secondly, we know from our understanding of the scriptures that there must be opposition in all things.  The Book of Mormon prophet Jacob said that “there is an opposition in all things (otherwise) righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery” (2 Nephi 2:11).

            Third, this opposition that Jacob spoke of was a natural result of Adam and Eve partaking of the forbidden fruit in the Garden in Eden.  Though commanded not to partake of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, they understood that partaking of the fruit would make them wise (Gen. 2: 16- 17; 3: 6).  Wisdom comes by experience and Adam and Eve understood this.  After partaking of the fruit they “knew that they were naked” (Gen 3: 7).  Their nakedness was both literal and figurative.  Yes, they were without clothing, but they were also open and exposed to the pains and afflictions of this world.  “Cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee..; In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground….” (Gen 3: 17 – 19).  We were not promised a rose garden.  Instead, we were given a garden that would result in our bruised heels.  But we do not have to be alone in this garden we call life with all its choices between good and evil, sickness and health, wellbeing and devastation.  While the tempter may have power to bruise our heels, we have the power through the Savior to crush his head (Gen. 3: 15).

The Atonement

            We’ve all made mistakes.  We do things that we know are wrong.  The Apostle Paul said that we “all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God” (Romans 3: 23), wherein lies the dilemma, for “no unclean thing can dwell with God” (1 Nephi 10: 21).

            It was never God’s plan that we be eternally separated from Him.  The Plan of Salvation as proposed by the Savior included an atonement, an intercession or payment for sin that we could not possibly make on our own.  It was to be, and is, a free gift offered to all on condition of our faith in Jesus Christ, repentance, and obedience to the laws and ordinances of His gospel (Articles of Faith 3; Romans 5: 18).

            Thus it was that in the meridian of time the demands of justice were made by the Prince of Peace as foretold by Isaiah (Isaiah 9: 6, 7).  It was an act of mercy that did not rob justice (Alma 42: 25), and that could only be carried out by one who was without sin. Jesus Christ satisfied the demands of justice through the Atonement (2 Nephi 9: 26; Alma 42: 15).  Only Christ had the “power given unto him from the Father to redeem (us) from (our) sins” (Helaman 5: 11).  Indeed, there was no other good enough to pay the price of sin (LDS Hymns #294).  As a testament to this saving power Matthew recorded that “the graves were opened; and many of the bodies of the saints which slept arose and came out of the graves after (Christ’s) resurrection…and appeared unto many” (Matt. 27: 52-53).  “There is a resurrection (and) the grave hath no victory (as) the sting of death is swallowed up in Christ” (Mosiah 16: 8). 

            In Christ we have a righteous creditor.  We are indebted to Him for the price He paid to redeem us from the fall of Adam and from our own sins and transgressions.  Not only that, but He offers to carry us in our deepest, darkest hour.  David in Psalms said, “Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee:” (Psalms 55:22), and Christ Himself said, “Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matt. 11:29 - 30).  To repay Him, He simply says, “Come, follow me” (Luke 18: 22).

It’s About Agency

            While our lives and our futures are all about The Atonement, The Atonement is all about agency.  Well, really it is all about the Savior, but He gives us our agency to choose.  “Choose you this day whom ye will serve” said Joshua in the Old Testament (Joshua 24: 15). Father Lehi continued with that theme of agency when he said, “And the Messiah cometh in the fulness of time, that he may redeem the children of men from the fall.  And because that they are redeemed from the fall they have become free forever, knowing good from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon, save it be by the punishment of the law at the great and last day, according to the commandments which God hath given. Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man.  And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself” (2 Nephi 2:26 - 27).

Conclusion

            So, two former bishops sat in his living room discussing the good, the bad, and the sometimes ugly aspects of being a bishop.  At the end of it all it was abundantly clear to me which side of the ledger he had chosen.  I am not his judge, but I would like to think that I’m a fairly good judge of character most of the time.  I do not know how much changing he had to make with his heart at some point in his life, but I know that his heart was where it belongs.  Isn’t it nice to know that the Lord doesn’t look on the outward appearance, but that He ‘looketh on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7)? There is no doubt in my mind that last week Brother Guthrie was greeted with these words: “Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord” (Matt. 25:21).  And there is no doubt in my mind that he was also greeted by his sweet wife, Carrie.

            And therefore, what about each one of us?  What choices are we making?  Do we pursue the things of the world, the things that bring us immediate gratification?  Are we literally selfish?  Or, do we pursue the will of the Lord?  Do we willingly obey that we may have that eternal reward that we so valiantly fought for in our pre-mortal existence?  As decisions determine destiny, so also do our choices carry consequences.  May we take the time to assess our own motives, actions, decisions, and choices, and make that mighty change of heart that we all need to make in order to be in alignment with the will of the Father, I pray in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

© 2015 Gregory B. Talley

Funeral Sermon Prepared for Ronald Lee Guthrie

For June 4, 2015, Undelivered

19 Kids, Some with Problems

19 Kids, Some with Problems

I’ve never watched 19 Kids and Counting.  I spend enough time counting my grandkids, of which there are 19, thank you very much.  Quite frankly, all these reality TV shows have gotten a little out of hand.  Let’s see, we have Survivor, Dancing with the Stars, American Idol, America’s Got Talent, and that one where pairs of people or couples travel around the world looking for clues for where they are supposed to go next.  Let’s see, let’s not forget Dual Survival and that weird one with people running around the jungle where they “aren’t wearing nothin’”, Swamp People, and the lumberjacks, gold diggers, crab fishermen, settlers in Alaska who talk funny, and any number of people trying to be millionaires and answering 500 questions.  Let us not forget Dirty Jobs and those guys that go around looking for antiques.  Good Grief!  (I’m missing some, I think.)

Anyway, I don’t watch that 19 Kids thing.  I never have and it appears that I never will.  Even if I could in the future I wouldn’t.

I guess the back story on 19 Kids is that they are a squeaky clean Christian family.  And now that a family member, Josh Duggar, has been found to have been a child molester when he was younger, the cable network airing the series is going to pull it.

Excuse me?  Since when has any typical commercial cable TV network been a righteous judge of morality?  Don’t get me wrong.  I think that if the story is true about Josh Duggar (and I have no reason to doubt the story), that his behavior is inexcusable.  However, since when have American families made it through a generation or two without a skeleton in its closet?  Are we supposed to sit back and be judge, jury, and executioners of people who have done the same sort of things—or worse than maybe our own family members have done?  Seems to me that good Christian people ought to remember something about casting the first stone.  Yes, his behavior is inexcusable but it is also forgivable. 

Besides, this is the sort of thing that makes for good TV viewing!  What an opportunity for America to sit back and watch and explore how another American family works through this startling revelation!  Here is an opportunity to learn about real gut-wrenching trials.  Here is a strong dose of reality.  Here is an opportunity for people to learn of activities that are probably more wide-spread than can be imagined.  Here is a topic that should make you squirm as you ponder upon what has (or is) going on with the people on the other side of town or down the street or with the next door neighbors.  Maybe it has happened with Cousins Joe and Mary.  Maybe it has happened in your own home.  The fact is that the activity that Josh Duggar is accused of doing is much more prevalent than what anybody wants to believe.  Here is an opportunity to view firsthand the devastation that results when such valued trust is violated.  More importantly, here is an opportunity to see how a family copes and how it recovers.  Perhaps here is an opportunity to see how professionals (and I’m not talking about Dr. Phil) and perhaps clergy work with people facing the challenge of a lifetime.

I don’t know.  Maybe the pain would be too great for the Duggars to air this on national TV.  Whatever.  One thing is for sure.  It would be much more educational than watching trucks driving across ice roads or swamp people catching alligators.  And maybe, just maybe it would open the closet and start a national discussion on the family.

I bet it would bump up the network’s ratings, too.

Memorial Day Thoughts

Memorial Day Thoughts

War is an appalling thing.  It is a terrible way to resolve differences.  While at the end of a war there may be one party or another that stands as the victor, in reality everybody loses.  Why it must exist is anybody’s guess.  I’m sure that there are psychological and sociological explanations for that behavior, but I don’t know what they are.  Jealousy perhaps?  Historians can tell us the sequence of events that have led to wars past and pundits dig deeply into the reasoning behind those wars, but one must wonder if there really is any rational explanation for that kind of horrific violence.  Why must there be an aggressor?

I’ve looked for evidence of the first war.  I’ve found it.  It happened before we were ever born.  I am not trying to make a religious statement here.  That is not my intent.  Please bear with me as I look at a Biblical text in terms of history.  “And there was war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels, And prevailed not; neither was their place found any more in heaven.  And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him” (Revelation 12:7 - 9).  John speaks here of a time before the world was.  You may draw your own conclusions as to what that war was all about.

We are engaged in multiple terrible wars at present.  One war is here on the home front.  It is as though forces that have no common goal have joined to threaten our domestic tranquility.  On one front we have a battle that has crept up from our southern border and has spilled onto the streets and sidewalks of our cities, towns, and even our village parks.  And little is being done to stop the flow across that border.  Another battle has been brewing for quite some time and has become quite nasty in recent years.  While this battle seems directed at police, in reality it is a battle against society and is being fought by an unlikely federation of racial minorities, media, and current government officials.  Other home front wars are taking place between those who want to redefine the definition of marriage that has existed for thousands of years as well as people who want to kill unborn babies for convenience sake.  Then of course there is a battle between those who want to restrict and even repeal the Second Amendment to our Constitution.

The sad thing about all these battles is that there are so many of them that it is quite possible to have an ally on one front who is an opponent on another front.  Surely this divided house cannot stand.

The other war we fight is over seas.  It is against a terrible opponent who thinks nothing of the value of human life and is willing to sacrifice innocent lives for the purpose of meeting their objective.  Sadly, we seem paralyzed as we cannot come to agreement on how to deal with this despicable cowardly combatant.

Wars continue.

Today, however, we honor those who sacrificed, who gave their blood until there was none left to spill upon the ground.  We honor the defenders against aggression.  They are buried in Arlington Cemetery and national cemeteries throughout the United States.  They are buried in far flung cemeteries around the globe.  In some places their bones lay scattered in hidden forests or under layers of desert sand.  Where ever their bodies rest, their sacrifices must rest in our hearts and in our minds, for whatever the cause, it was noble.  It was for us.

Stay on the Path

Stay on the Path

            Several years ago I accompanied my sons on a backpacking trip with their fellow Boy Scouts in the San Juan Wilderness of Southwest Colorado.  If you were to look at the trail we followed on a Forest Service map you would see that the trail leading into Emerald Lake is only a few miles long; however, you get a different sense of what that trail is all about on a topographical map.  The trailhead begins at an altitude of about 7,500 feet and the first few miles are relatively flat and tall ponderosa pine trees provide comfortable shade from the glaring sun at that altitude.  It would be easy for a first-time hiker on that trail to be lulled into a false sense of confidence during those first few miles.

            After the first few miles the path makes an abrupt turn up the side of a granite mountain.  The trail is well-traveled and marked in beauty by pristine mountain streams and breath-taking landscapes.  After a mile or two of uphill hiking with heavy backpacks there is a temptation to simply stop by one of the streams and to spend the remainder of your travels in one spot.  But, you press onward.

            I recalled stopping at a small bait and tackle shop on the way to the trail to Emerald Lake to get my non-resident fishing license.  When we told the proprietor where we were going a serious look came across his face.  I didn’t think much of it at the time when he said that we should be able to make it O.K., but that the trail was generally taken on horseback or with mules.  And, he did in fact mention that there were narrow parts of the trail that offered no protection from falling several hundred feet into rocky ravines.  He also mentioned the fact that we would have to pack above the tree line before we dropped down to Emerald Lake, but he assured us that the fishing was exceptional there since so few people actually made their ways there.

            As we hiked our way to the promised beauty and great fishing we came to a spot on the trail that was relatively flat.  Towering trees continued to provide good shade on a hot summer’s day.  Ahead of us, the trail crossed over a rock slide from the side of a mountain.  Jagged granite rocks the size of basketballs covered the trail for several hundred feet.  It was impossible to take a single step without stepping on one of these rocks.  Still, the path was quite clear as horses and hundreds of feet had passed over these same rocks over the years making the path a shade or two lighter than the surrounding rocks.

            After walking on these rocks for a hundred feet or so I noticed that just a few yards away from the path there was tall luscious grass growing.  The grass was close to knee high and was thick and plentiful.  Perhaps it was the thin air of 8,500 feet that clouded my thinking, but I decided to leave the path and walk in the grass where the walking would not be so painful on my feet.  The path, after all, had been difficult and truly caused my feet to ache.  The possibility of a twisted ankle was very real.

            I was feeling quite smug with myself and totally unrepentant for taking this easier approach on the way to the lake, but it was not long before I discovered that this course had the same granite rocks that the established path had.  The tall grass had simply made it impossible to see them.  Other dangers were hidden from view by the grass, such as tree roots and broken tree branches.  Not only that, but the tall grass made it very difficult to move forward with any speed.  I only had to trip and fall once before I decided that in spite of the discomfort the path held, being able to see the path ahead of me was preferable to not knowing what lay below the surface of the grass tops.  Besides, the rocks in the grass were just as painful as those on the path.  I repented of my folly and returned to the path.

            The path we take in life is often rocky and painful, but it is well-marked and traveled by other faithful followers of the Savior.  Sometimes the path seems so painful and difficult that we are tempted to stray off the path.  The way “over there” may seem more pleasant and appealing, offering an easier way to go, but it is fraught with hidden dangers that trip up the unsuspecting traveler and slows and has the potential to even stop forward progress to the ultimate goal.  The only sure way to ultimate rest is to stay on the path, and if you have left, to return to the path.

            The trail to the lake was not easy.  There were indeed narrow passages with steep drop-offs to the side.  The trail above the tree line was clear of nearly all vegetation, was rocky, and steep.  Backpackers took only a few steps at a time before having to stop to rest before moving forward another few steps.  There was no shade blocking the burning sun at nearly 10,000 feet.  But then we crossed the summit and looked down on the sparkling snow-fed Emerald Lake, surrounded by fir trees with tall grass and Colorado wild flowers.  The destination not only was in sight, but worth every step of the trail.  The words of the Apostle Paul came to mind as I gazed upon the landscape below me.  “For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand.  I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing”

(2 Timothy 4:6 - 8).

Alzheimer’s Robbed Me of My Mother

Alzheimer’s Robbed Me of My Mother

I am the oldest of three children born to my parents; more specifically born to my mother.  Unfortunately for my mother my brother, born second in our family, never came home from the hospital.  I have never seen so much as a hospital photograph of Richard Mark.  My sister, Kimberly Jeanne, died before she reached the age of three from complications following an open heart surgery.  That left me as the apple of my mother’s eye, though admittedly there may have been a worm or two in the apple that she either didn’t know about or ignored.  I’d prefer to believe that she didn’t know about them.

Mother and I were close.  Among my first recollections of Mother were in the living room of our little house in Beech Grove, Indiana, as I lay on the floor at her feet while I played with a wind-up train.  She sat in a rocking chair reading a book while listening to the radio.  I even remember the radio station.  It was WIBC.  I think I grew up listening to WIBC.

We left that house in Beech Grove before I entered school.  We lived in a little trailer in Johnson County, Indiana, while my father built our new house in what was known as the Mount Pleasant Addition in White River Township.  The trailer was so small that you had to step outside to change your mind.

Sometimes in the evening Mom, Dad, and I would pile into the car and go to the house that was under construction.  As summer moved into fall and fall moved into early winter the weather turned cold.  Electricity had been run to the house long before the house was finished so Dad hooked the kitchen stove up to the electricity so we would have some form of heat.  It was in that setting at night that Mom would tell me of her experiences as a child going to bed when it was cold outside.  Heated bricks were carefully wrapped in towels and placed at the foot of the bed and she and her sister, Ninagale, would run and jump into their feather bed and snuggle in and keep warm through the night.

After the house was built Mother added the finishing touches that made the house a home.  There were summer gardens, pictures on the wall, little mementoes placed on shelves, fresh cut flowers in vases, and live potted plants throughout the living room and kitchen.  She planted purple irises outside around our patio.  Oh, and music from WIBC played in the background.  And of course there was always a fresh supply of chocolate chip or peanut butter cookies available for the taking.

Mom thought it was important that I learn to cook.  It was probably much to the dismay of my father that I spent time in the kitchen at the time, but later in life he would come to appreciate the fact that I could cook more than a hot dog or make a peanut butter sandwich.  In time I learned survival cooking skills that would see me through a short stint of bachelorhood. 

My mother enjoyed a practical joke.  On one April Fools’ Day she had a hot breakfast all prepared for me before I went to school.  She even fixed me a glass of chocolate milk.  I should have realized what day it was.  I went to take a swig of chocolate milk only to discover that she made it with water and not milk!  I don’t think she would ever stop laughing.  The next year she again prepared a hot breakfast for me on April Fools’ Day, complete with a glass of chocolate milk.  Fool me once and shame on you.  Fool me twice and shame on me.  In spite of what some people think, I do have a long memory.  I placed my index finger in the milk and then tested it.  Behold!  It was milk and not water.  Since Mom had placed a straw in the glass I chose to drink my chocolate milk through the straw only to find that she had pinched its end so that I could not draw the milk up through the straw.  Again, I don’t think she ever stopped laughing.

As one Mothers’ Day rolled around I stood in the kitchen with my mother and the Mothers’ Day song came to mind.  You know how it goes.  “M is for the many ways she loves me, O is for” (something else, I don’t have a clue what it was for).  “Put them all together and they spell Mother.”  I swear I don’t know what possessed me, but I started singing that little song, but changed the words.  With a smile on my face I began to sing, “M is for the many times she beats me.”  Without skipping a beat, Mother continued the rest of the song with, “O is for the other times I should.”

Yes, Mother had a good sense of humor and truly enjoyed a good practical joke.

There was a sensitive side to Mom as well.  She could shed a tear at the drop of a hat.  I’ll never forget the time that I came home “very” late from a New Year’s Eve party.  I was 15 at the time.  She could not look at me for a month without crying.  I knew that my mother loved me, but I think it was at that time that I realized just how much she loved me.

Time passed and I married the woman who would become the mother of my children.  Perhaps it might be more appropriate to say that I married the woman who would become the mother of my mother’s grandchildren.  We lived near my parents for the first five years of our marriage.  Whenever we went to my parents’ home to visit Grandma was always the willing spoiler of the grandkids.  The grandkids were always willing to go to Grandma’s house.

We moved to New Mexico after those first five years of marriage, and so we made annual pilgrimages home.  Without fail, the aroma of fresh baked homemade bread wafted through the door as we entered my childhood home.   There were fresh strawberries to pick from the patch in the back yard, homemade grape juice, trees to climb, and always lots of love.  The thousand mile drive there was always worth the trip.  Mom always said that as soon as we left she would start cleaning house, not because of the mess that was left behind but because she had to do something as she cried when we left.

Years passed and I didn’t really attribute anything to Mom’s withdrawing from the mother and grandmother she had been, but one day it happened.

Becky, our oldest son’s wife called one day to report that Grandma had fallen and that she was now in the hospital.  By now we had moved to New York so it was only a long day’s drive home.  After visiting with Mom for a little while we learned from the nurses that Mom had been up at nights wandering the halls of the hospital, visiting with everybody.  We did not understand at the time that the nurses meant that she had been doing all her visiting in her mind.  It didn’t take us long to figure out what they meant.  It was Alzheimer’s Disease.

Her doctor wanted Mom to go into rehab for three weeks before she returned home.  I will spare her the indignity of the details.  It was not pretty.  But, it was while she was in a nursing home doing rehab that we came to fully understand that Mom was not going to be able to live independently at home and that Dad was incapable of caring for her.  Choices.  We could either look for a long-term care facility for my parents or they could come to New York to live with us.  We looked at assisted living first, but the longer we watched the less it seemed that this would be an option.  We brought my parents to New York to live in our house with us.

Mother was expert at hiding the truth; what was happening to her.  Ever the detective, I had to know, so I started digging.  I did not have to look very far.  I began with her handwriting.  Mother always had impeccable handwriting and now it was so small it was indecipherable.  Then what I could make out was incomprehensible.  Next I looked through her checkbook and cancelled checks.  Why people cashed her checks I’ll never know, especially the one that she wrote for a million dollars to her doctor.  Thankfully, she had an honest doctor.  Then there were the memory issues.  She could remember what happened 70 years ago but had no idea what happened 15 minutes ago.  In a very short period of time she forgot who I was.  Then she didn’t know who my father, her husband was.

The disease progressed to the point where we could no longer provide the kind of support Mother needed.  A nearby nursing home was selected and so began the final descent into hell.

We made daily visits, but most of the time she just slept.  Dad would sit and visit with her but even there most of the time he would simply sit with her.  At the end of those visits with her he would be a wreck.

Susan had a flight out of Albany to Salt Lake.  Since it was an early morning flight and Albany was at least a two hour drive, we decided to go up the night before and spend the night in a motel.  Dad was still well enough that he could take care of himself and if there was a problem he was quite capable of calling.  As we backed out of the driveway to leave I turned to Susan and told her that I wanted to go by and see Mom before we left.  She was sleeping when we got there.  Rather than awaken her we slipped out the door after I gave her a soft love tap on her arm.  I made a quick stop at the nurses’ station to make sure that they had my cell phone number.

We had checked into the motel and had just sat down to dinner across the street from the motel when my cell phone rang.  It was the nursing home.  Mom had passed away.  The last time I saw my mother was when she was asleep.  And now she was at peace.

Alzheimer’s robbed me of my mother.  There had been a few coherent moments when she was at our house and she recounted to me the happier times in her life when she was growing up.  Those times were mixed in with reports of purple flowers that were growing in the snow in our back yard.  And of course she was eager to tell us of her most recent visit she had with her father.  But, there were no more practical jokes, fresh baked bread or cookies, and no more love.

I had fully expected to cry when my mother died, but I didn’t.  It took me a couple of days to figure out why I didn’t cry at her passing.  She had died three years prior to her physical death.  Her body just needed a little extra time to catch up to her spirit.  A little piece of me had gone with her every day.

Perhaps I should be bitter with the fact that Alzheimer’s had robbed me of my mother.  Maybe in a way I am.  But, the last years of her life are not what I choose to remember.  What I really remember is the fresh baked bread, chocolate chip cookies, pride in her grandchildren, her patience, and her kindness.  Oh, and the love.  That is what I remember most about my mother.  The love.

I love you, Mom.